Choices; By: Mercedes Nicole H

 Choices

By: Mercedes Nicole H.

    We had been friends since forever and once we became teenagers we hung out at his house with all our other friends. We'd spend nights, days, weeks there with not a care in the world. The room we hung out in was a big open area which was from the original house sort of like a basement but it's on second floor. It had huge rocks on the walls and floors. It made us feel like we were in a different part of the world once we entered those doors. When your teenagers your hormones start to go all over the place and we were pretty strict with who each other was allowed to date or have sex with or anything for that matter. After seeing a movie about keeping rosters we each decided that would be what we did with each other. We wouldn't have sex with over three people and we'd only hook up with each other. You can imagine how crazy this would be if it got out that we were having sex parties at his house. It wasn't exactly like that the huge open room had additional closed off rooms within it so sometimes a guy would go in with two girls and sometimes just one.

          I don't think it was that hard for anyone to choose who they wanted to hook up with, we had all been thinking about it for years and some of them had already hooked up before. Once it was decided that that was what the group would do I looked right at him and of course he was already staring me down. I mean our friends already said we should have hooked up years ago because we were already attached at the hip. No, we weren't dating but we were like best friends. I always was afraid to make a move thinking I'd be sacked into the friend zone but after this it was never the same. He had dark hair, dark eyes, and a nicely tanned body with just the right amount of scruff on his face. He kept his hair shaved short and he was around 6ft tall. He dressed preppy for the most part but sometimes he chose to dress different. That reason alone is why in school people would stare as we all walked down the halls. We were all totally different and unique in our own ways. There had been quite a few popular girls that attempted to get with him and every time they tried he'd put his arm around me and we'd just laugh. Again, no weren't dating, just friends. Everyone at school assumed it was so much more but in reality it wasn't. I have blonde hair with pink streaks, blue eyes, a nice summer's tan, and my style is sort of punk. 

         The first night since we decided on this we all spent at his house in our room. It didn't take long with music going, drinks, and hormones for people to head off into the the different rooms. I looked at him and he looked at me for a long time. I mean a really long time. Then, out of nowhere he came towards me, picking me up, and slamming me against the wall HARD. Long intense kisses and him pulling my hair drove me insane for him! He started pulling my clothes off, I started pulling at his, kisses down my neck, onto my chest, I was going crazy just waiting for the moment to happen. He put his nose against mine, and whispered "Are you sure?" I nodded yes and in my head I was screaming it at him. He grabbed my shoulder still holding me against the wall, slowly he eased his way inside me, and within seconds pure satisfaction was across my face and within my body! We were crazy for each other. The scent of him on me just drove me more wild for more of him. The way he kissed me made me know it was more than just sex for him too.

      We had the door to the room locked but soon we heard a knock. We weren't in a separate room we just went for it in the big open space. We paused. It was his little brother just two years younger than us. He had a crush on me for all of time so I knew what I needed to do to save the group. I kissed my new lover on the cheek, went to the door, our eyes meet, and I can tell he has a mixed amount of emotions as do I. What had we just done, what just happened?

           I opened the door naked to see his little brother standing there, his jaw about hit the floor, I grabbed his hand and led him back to his room. I push him onto the bed, climb in with him, and we just lay there looking at each other. I realize his walls are covered with all the places he wants to go and see. I talked to this boy for hours upon hours, we were best friends, even being vunerable in this moment, I feel completely safe. I cry and he pulls me into his chest. He picks up my chin to kiss my forehead and whispers "It's okay." I obviously couldn't tell him what was going on in the other room. . . or that as I walked out the door his brother was grabbed by some of the other girls. I felt like he knew what I was crying about even if he didn't know it all completely. I had confided in him about my mixed and confused emotions about his brother before. I remember him telling me that if I felt that way about him he'd feel like the king of the world and I'd be his queen. He had fluffy blonde hair, blue eyes, not as tall as his brother but just as tan. He was a total geek from the glasses to the clothes but seeing him like this he was a total dreamboat. He was so fucking sweet and adorable, I just didn't see him as anything more than the guy I love's little brother.

    I woke up with sunlight on my face curled up naked next to HIS little brother. I kissed his cheek and headed towards the room where my clothes still were. I really was hoping that maybe he had fallen asleep with the girls so I could tell if he really did hook up. I really hope he didn't think I would do that to him, hook up with his little brother. I entered the room and it was quiet. It was still really early in the morning I headed over to my clothes when I heard "Hey". I turned around to see him with his jeans back on with no shirt. My body tingled, it was so intense last night and I'm sure not many can say that for their first time. He came over to me and hugged me. I wasn't expecting this at all.. I thought he was mad at me. I mean I'm mad at him I did nothing wrong.. He kissed me on the forehead and put his nose against mine. He whispered "I'm sorry." then he walked away and disappeared out of the room and into his house.

        I was so damn confused what was he sorry for, for having sex with me, for having sex with other girls, or for making his first time with someone he thought went and fucked his little brother afterwards? I got dressed and headed downstairs I smelled breakfast cooking and I knew it was his Dad. "Hey there young lady, you want to eat before you head to school don't you!?" I couldn't help but laugh after everything was last night a beautiful steamy disaster I could totally use some good food and to chat with his Dad. The Dad was kind of the mix between both the boys, he was single I don't know how but he was, he had dirty blonde hair, tan, brown eyes and was tall. The boys mom had left when they were just really little and their Dad had become a part of my everyday life. He called me the daughter he never got to have. I always used the front door to leave the other ones used the back door so the Dad wouldn't know they were there overnight and always! He loved me though and told me that every day which was more than I could say for my parents.

            At school, for the first time since we were little when we all met I didn't want to hang out with the group. I felt betrayed. I knew we were to keep a roster with multiple people so these emotions wouldn't happen but they had always already been there. The two girls that took him in the room were sisters one was more like me and the other more like him. They were both drop dead gorgeous and I knew they had been trying for him from the first time we brought up the whole thing. I didn't want to walk in the doors and see their satisfied faces or him for that matter. HE SHOULD BE SORRY! I love him so much my heart feels like it's going to explode and yet he continues to push me to the side like I'm ALWAYS going to be around. I take a deep breath as someone puts their arm around me. I look over and it's his little brother. "I told you it's going to okay, I promise. I'll be with you all day." We hugged. This boy was exactly what I wanted just I wanted it with his brother. We walked through the front doors and there in the cafe stood the group. All ten of them. Talking, laughing, kissing, hugging, and I realized this had changed us all. We never were like that before the guys would always have their arm around a girl when we walked the halls but never kissing-hugging. I didn't see him with them which was odd because he was always there.. I looked at this amazing person with their arm around me and he said "You don't even want to know".

           I wasn't sure what he had meant by that but I headed towards the bathroom by third period and completely broke down. This boy had taken my innocence from me and yes the matter was hardly innocent but it meant so much to me and so little to him. I thought he had felt the same when in reality he was pushing me the furthest away we had ever been. I dried my eyes and headed out the door. There he stood with his arm around both the sisters, walking the hall like he owned them. They laughed, kissed him, and made sure to give their satisfied faces to everyone watching just as I assumed they would. I wanted to hide but it was too late they were headed right for me. He looks right at me and his eyes look like he's about to cry but he gives me a head nod and keeps going. The sisters just look at me and laugh.
 
       The whole day I couldn't pay attention in class because all I could see was him with them. Did he tell them that I wasn't good, that I was obsessed with him, that I smell, I mean what the hell did he say? I made about fifteen trips into the bathroom just to cry and at lunch it was the worst. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't sit with "them". There he sat with the sisters and they were just giggling away. I wanted to puke. I wanted to throw my lunch at their perfect little faces. I dropped my lunch tray down loud in front of them. The sisters stop and stare at me no longer giggling but they actually look a little scared. He keeps his head down. I just keep glaring at him until finally he looks up. "I need to talk to you right now" I yell at him! He gets up and follows me out into the hall. He tries hard to avoid my eyes. I put my hand on his cheek. "Where did we go wrong?" He glares back at me.. "You took off with my little brother last night, naked, and I went with the girls. It's not like we are dating we can do our own things. That's the whole point of having a roster. The group is pissed you slept with someone outside of it." He tells me. "Do you really mean the group or do you mean YOU!?" I yell. He pushes me out of the way and takes off out the doors and to his car.

    Days go by and I actually stay in my own home I go there right from school not wanting to face the group or the man I now loathe. My Mom works a lot so I don't see her she's a nurse and my Dad is a businessman so he's always out of town. It's 8 o' clock and I'm bored as fuck but I don't want to go over there and see them all I can't deal with that right now. I decide maybe I should call and just invite him over here. "Can you come over I'm sorry and I really think we need to figure this out?" "Everyone is here right now and I don't think I can just head out, I might be over later once everyone's sleeping I dunno." I hang up the phone. I went from being his number one to just being outside of the group. I stare at the clock waiting. I put on my yoga shorts and a tank top that barely covers my bra. My boobs have really grown in the last year and I'm wearing a C finally. 12 o' clock..*knock at the door*

        I head to my mirror quickly and fix everything literally. . There he stands in front of me. He has his hands in his pockets and just stares me up and down. He comes inside and comes as close to me as he possibly can. He picks me up and slams me hard down on the couch, jumping on top of me. He kisses me harder than he did before. I push him up and try to stop him. "I don't want to do this and neither do you." He stops and slides into the seat of the couch. I get up and cuddle next to him.. "I didn't hook up with your brother, I'd never do that to you or to him. I went over, we talked, and we fell asleep together. That's all." He lets out a sigh. "I know, he told me today when I confronted him." "Did you hook up with them?" He looks away. . "I mean yeah I kind of did." I get off the couch and stare at him. "How could you do that to me? You were so mad that I hooked up with your brother and I didn't yet you felt it was okay to go hook up with two other people?" He stares at me for a long time before he finally says "I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do right now." "What do you mean what to do like you said it's not like we are dating, we need a roster or what the fuck ever so you made yours! You got your three. ." "I'm sorry." I start to cry and I can tell he is uncomfortable not knowing what to do. "Get out, just leave" The last thing I remember before I completely break down is him starting up his car and taking off like the total asshole he is.

            The next morning it's Saturday I decide to just say in my head "Fuck all of them!" I decide to raid my mother's closet, she has a lot of going out style clothes and she never wears them anyway. I decide to get the pink out of my hair with some new dye which is still blonde but more highlights of that really light blonde. My jaw about hits the floor when I see myself. I put on my Mom's bubblegum pink dress from when she was a teenager and I did my makeup more natural. I look like a totally different person, I look super hot. I decide I'll head over to his house today and build my roster. I walk into the room and everyone stops and stares at me. Even the sisters who were just making out with each other and then down HIS throat stop to stare at me. He looks at them and then turns to see why they stopped. He walks over to me and pulls me aside. "What are you doing here?" "I'm here to build my roster I need three right and I only have one but he doesn't really phase me anymore." He looks totally pissed. I look around at the guys in our group, there isn't many to choose from to be honest. We have five girls and five guys in our group. Three of us girls had obviously chose him but now he was down to two because I wasn't touching him ever again. I was done. The other two girls had chose the same guy as well so there was three guys just waiting for a girl to add them to their roster and her to his. I decide to walk over to the newest member of our group. He's mixed, he's pretty hot, and he has some muscles. I'll take it.

        I pull him into one of the rooms and meanwhile the other one is staring at me watching my every move. He literally can't stand that I'm about to make number two on my list and won't be just him even though he's on three. I push the new guy down onto the floor and crawl on top of him. He puts his hands on my ass and I start to kiss his neck. He's already ready to get inside me and he starts to move faster. I can feel him growing harder by the seconds. Then the door opens and I get pulled out. It's the Dad. . busted. He sits me down in the kitchen and tells me he can't believe me and when his son came to tell him he couldn't believe it at all. I think to myself why the fuck would he do that yet he did that to me? UGHH! So, after his Dad is done lecturing me I agree that I was stupid and I shouldn't be doing that. I head back upstairs but not back into the room. I go into the the other brother's room. He smiles to meet me.

         I go over to him and he hugs me. I start to kiss him and he kisses me back. I take off his glasses, his shirt, his jeans, and I'm ready for this. I realize in that moment that again I feel vulnerable but with him I feel safe. I don't want to make my roster with any of them. I don't need a damn roster I need someone to make love to me and mean it. He lays me down slow on his bed and we keep kissing like there's no tomorrow. I have no idea if he knows that I lost my virginity with his brother and he's losing his to me but I assume he does since his brother asked him already. He caresses my cheek and plays with my hair. Why have I never noticed how buff he was before, how he's like a way hotter Clark Kent. He moves his hands all over my body tickling me with his fingers. He goes down to my undies and pulls them off slowly. I lean up and he unzips my dress. I look at him and he smiles. "I'm ready" He knew exactly what I was going to ask. He gets on top of me so softly and slow. He goes inside of me and I let out a sigh. It feels so unreal good, it's a totally different experience than fucking. He keeps going slow and deeper every time. I can't help but to keep making noises because it feels out of this world like heaven has reached me inside out. He keeps kissing my lips and my neck and placing his fingers softly on my lips and when I suck on them he gets off with a moan. We clean up and he lays beside me and I cuddle up to him.  
  
      I know I know I had sex with two brothers and I know that sounds beyond awful but I just wish I would have seen him like this years ago. He's perfect, he is perfect for me. He looks at me and laughs. "What, was I not good?" "No, you my queen were perfect. I thought maybe I wasn't good?" I laugh. "You are the most perfect thing that has ever touched me." He smiles and kisses me. I realize then, that maybe he doesn't know I had sex with his brother. Should I tell him or would that ruin everything? I made a huge mistake even having sex with his brother who doesn't even care at all about me. I lean in closer to him. "I have to tell you something that I should have told you before." "I know already, he told me everything. It's okay I promise. It doesn't bother me. You two aren't together and he treats you like shit. So let me treat you like gold." I smile and kiss him. "I will do just that my king."

        After a few hours, I lean over and jump on top of him and he instantly is ready to go again. This time is different. It's harder and faster. It's perfect yet again. He is like some sort of sex god from another planet. Out of breath, we get up deciding we should probably head downstairs to grab something to eat. I fix everything for the sake of his Dad who may have a heart attack since he had just caught me that morning almost hooking up with someone else and now I took the virginity of his other son. As we turn the corner to the kitchen it's not his Dad waiting there it's his older brother. He stares at both of us in disgust. He already knows. He starts to get tears in his eyes and takes off out the door. I run after him and spin him around quickly before he does something stupid. He hugs me hard. "How could you do this to me?" I'm shocked he has the nerve to say that but he does. "What are you talking about?" "You fucked my little brother!" "Well you fucked two other girls RIGHT after me. How do you think that made me feel huh?" He stops crying and gets pissed off. "I didn't fuck anyone else, I hooked up with them, making out and that's ALL!" I feel like a weight has just landed in my stomach is trying hard to pull me through the ground to Hell.

        I take off running. I'm so confused. I'm so lost. What the fuck did I do? Does he love me? Does he hate me now? Am I in love with both of them? I make it to my front door and of course no one is home. I could really use some guidance right now but there's none. I go inside, take a shower to get the smell of him off me before I puke. How could I have sex with his little brother not once but twice. I had sex with him once and he didn't even get off before his little brother interrupted it. After my shower I decide to get a bath to get some more germs off me. Someone knocks at the door so I wrap the towel around me with watery bubbles dripping off me I head downstairs and look out the peephole. It's him. I open the door and tell him to come in. I head back upstairs but he follows me. I go into my room to change but he follows me. He grabs my hand leading me to my bathroom. He goes in front of the mirror. Wraps his arms around me and looks at us together. He really is freaking me out considering he was just crying and pissed off hours earlier at me. "This could have been us but you ruined that." "I ruined that. You should have told me the truth weeks ago and it wouldn't have happened." "Do you love him?" I look away down at the floor. "Do you love me?" He asks. I keep looking away. He turns on the shower. He starts taking off his clothes.

    There he stands sexy as hell in front of me naked. The hot steamy shower beside him. He comes over to me and slowly takes off my towel letting it drop to the floor. He guides me into the shower and I let him. He picks me up and pushes me against the side of the shower and slowly goes inside me. Is he going to make love to me? I let out a sigh as he starts to go in deeper and deeper. He kisses my neck, my lips, my cheeks, and he goes next to my ear and whispers "I love you." My body is completely numb now. My head is spinning. He keeps going and I feel like I'm a million miles away. This should have happened weeks ago before I fell in love with his brother and here I am still in love with him too. He puts his nose against mine staring into my eyes. He gets off inside me. He puts me back down and grabs the towel for me and a towel for him.

         We go into my bedroom and lay in our towels on the bed. "What are we doing?" I ask him. "I dunno" he says. So we stare at my ceiling so confused I think we both are as to how we feel and what to do about it all. He turns over and kisses my forehead. I stare hard at him completely puzzled as to who this guy is. "I really do love you, I have since forever. It's just after my mom left I didn't think it even mattered if you loved someone or not. It always ends." I feel like total shit right now. I kind of want him to leave and then I kind of want him to make love to me all over again. "Why didn't you just tell me the truth though, I can't help how I feel right now I'm so confused. Your brother has loved me forever, not you. He's made that clear since day one that he is completely in love with me. Not you." He leans up putting his head into his hands. I feel so bad for him now. I lean up and lean against him. "I'm sorry." I kiss his shoulder. I can tell he has mixed emotions about everything too. He is in love with his best friend but now his best friend loves him and his brother. It just isn't right. My phone rings... it's his brother. I try to hide it but he sees it. He gets up, stares at me, does a half smile and says "You need to make a choice before someone gets hurt." He leaves.

       Before someone gets hurt!? Obviously, either way someone is GOING to get hurt. I can only choose one of them and I'm torn between both at this point. My heart is heavy in my chest. My thoughts are vivid from both times with both guys. I didn't answer my phone. I can't handle it. How can I tell him that oh by the way after we made love, your brother came over and made love to me too. No! I'm so lost right now. I need someone to hold me but I don't want either of them to come over right now and I have no one else. I decide to call their Dad. This sounds crazy I know but he's the only parent I have right now and he deserves to know. I spill everything to him from the sex with both guys, to not knowing, and everything in between. He laughs. I'm shocked at this. "You know you must be pretty damn special to have both my boys fighting for you, I already knew that though, it is just now more obvious. You are going to have to choose. You need to realize though that one is younger than the other and he's also my more caring and loving son. He's an open book and always has been especially when it came to loving you. My other son is more closed off and for him to open up to you and tell you he loves you is a miracle within itself. You have a tough choice to make but I love both my sons and I can't make it for you. No matter what you're already my daughter and part of this family. Always have been." I get off the phone and cry. How could he be so understanding and kind about it all?

    Days go by and I try to avoid them both at school. It doesn't work great but it seems like both are pretty upset with me as much as I am with myself. They both give me sad eyes when I pass them in the halls. Choosing one of them will change everything forever. I thought I had it figured out though after I made love that he who always loved me would be the "one" but then his brother came forward and he's loved me all along, and he made love to me too. I'm so confused. After school I head home and my phone rings it's the younger brother again he's been calling everyday and I just can't answer it. I think he knows that something happened though but I don't want to tell him over the phone. I head over to their house. I go into the door and there stands their Dad, and both his sons... worst timing ever.
    
     They both half smile at me as their Dad leaves the room. . We all sit down at the table and just stare at each other for what seems like forever. "I'm okay if neither of you love me anymore or want to be with me now. I made stupid choices and did stupid things. I played with both of your emotions and I feel awful." The younger brother reaches over grabbing my hand I can tell his brother wants to punch him right now as he glares at him. "It's okay I will always love you, and you will always be my queen." I smile at him but I can't help to pull more towards "him". He tells his brother to go upstairs which causes them to fight big time. Dad comes into the room breaking them up and asks me if I can leave until things cool down. I start to cry and head out the door. I'm pulled around and pulled into his chest. He followed me out. He puts my face in his hands and kisses me. I love him so much it hurts.. I know that he's the one I want but I can't help the feelings I feel for his brother. He drives me home, holding my hand the whole time. He follows me in the house.

     We go up to my room and he places his hands on my sides. He sits on my bed and pulls me on top of him. He whispers in my ear "I want you." He starts kissing me and I kiss him right back. Again, we make love. We fall asleep together naked. A few hours later I wake up and he's still sleeping. I go into my bathroom and decide to get a shower. I'm singing and I hear him walk in laughing. "What?" "Your voice is just amazing he says." "Okay, who are you and what did you do with my best friend who makes fun of me all the time?" He comes into the shower. "That guy is long gone. I want you to be mine forever." I melt literally into a pile of mush. We fuck hard in the shower and I love every minute of it. I'm making so much noise and he rolls his eyes as he gets off inside me.

      He crawls into my bed making himself right at home. I decide to go downstairs to lock the door when my phone rings. I decide I should probably answer it. "Hello." I hear him crying which has never happened before. "Hey do you think you can come over?" I look to the stairs knowing the man I love is waiting in the bed for me. "Um, I don't know if I should." "Please I really need to see you." I feel horrible that he is crying and I know I've hurt him so I have to put an end to this. "Okay, I'll be over soon." I go upstairs and he's sound asleep so I decide to sneak out.

     I head over to their house and he's waiting for me at the door. He pulls me inside and up the stairs to his room. He hugs me tight as soon as we get in there and goes to kiss me but I turn. I can tell he's really hurt that I didn't kiss him. "I love you." I look away. I'm so uncomfortable. I do love him I really do but I can't tell him that I can't keep doing this to both of them. He looks like I'm literally taking his heart out of his chest and stepping on it. "I'm sorry, I'm in love with your brother and I can't keep dragging you along.." His eyes get watery and then he picks up his lamp and throws it across the room smashing it into pieces. He comes over to me and pushes me up against the wall. "You do love me, I know you do. I'll show you." He pushes me down on the bed. I fight him. I kick him hard but it's like he doesn't feel it. He tries kissing me and I bite his lip making it bleed. It doesn't do anything. I scream. Someone comes banging at the door and the guy I almost had sex with from the "group" kicks in the door. He throws him off of me and then grabs me by the arm rushing me downstairs and out the door. "Go home!"

      I race as fast as my feet will go losing my balance through my tears and fall down hard on the sidewalk. My knees bleeding. I call him, crying. "Please come get me." "What where are you, I thought you were here?" "I'm half way home but I fell and I'm hurt." He hangs up and is here in minutes. He comes over and carries me putting me in the car. He is so concerned with if I'm okay he is having problems driving. We get to the house and he carries me inside. He cleans me up right away and crawls into bed with me staring at me. "I went over to your house, your brother called and he really needed to see me." He gets a pissed off look on his face. "Nothing happened, well not really. He tried to kiss me and he told me he loved me and when I..." I break down into tears and he pulls me in close to him. "He tried to have sex with me and I screamed, someone had to kick in the door to help me." He jumps out of bed and takes off down the stairs. I cry even harder. I don't want him to go. I don't want them to fight over me anymore.

     Days go by and I don't hear from either one of them. It's now Monday and I need to go to school even if I don't want too. I wear jeans and a sweatshirt to cover my scraped knees and bruises on my arms where he held me down. I walk into the doors of school and head straight to my locker. I never thought my senior year would be this way. I always thought maybe we'd be together but then things got complicated and things have just hit rock bottom. I try my best to avoid them both and I'm really upset that I've been ignored all weekend since it happened from them both. No apologies. Half the day goes by and I see neither of them. As the day ends I walk out to my car and he's there waiting up against the car. No not the guy that picked me up when I was hurt but the guy who hurt me who was the sweetest guy I knew. "Hey, I just want to say I'm sorry." "Hey.." "Do you think you can forgive me?" "Um, I don't know. You really hurt me!" "Well, at least let me make it up to you?" "Where's your brother at?" "He's at home, do you want me to give you a ride there?" "No, that's okay I was just wondering." "Well, can I come over?" "I don't think that's a good idea." "Okay Okay I'll back off I get it." He kisses me on the forehead and walks away. I rub that kiss off so much that I leave a dark red mark on my face. I go home and shower for over an hour.

    It's the weekend once again I didn't run into either of them at school because I rushed to classes and rushed home. I skipped lunch every day. I've been sick all week. Saturday morning I'm laying in bed when someone is at the door so I head to the door and it's him. Finally, he comes to see me after a whole week of not seeing each other. "Hey." "Hey come in." I lean up and kiss him on the cheek. He half smiles at me. "So what's up? What made you come over?" "I just needed to see you. I miss you. I'm sorry I haven't came over it's just I needed to figure things out. My brother was insane that weekend after everything. I needed to be there for him and calm him down. I love you but he's my little brother and I love him too." "I know that. I want to forgive him but I can't keep dealing with him wanting to get with me anymore. I'm either with you or with him. I chose you and it's like you don't care anymore." "I do care I just needed some time to figure things out." "Okay, so are we together now or just friends?" "I want to be with you forever that hasn't changed. I still am in love with you." I can't help but smile at him and he winks at me. He grabs me and pulls me in up against his chest.

    He spends the whole weekend at my house and every few hours I get sick. I realize that maybe this is more than just being sick. So I run to the store while he's sleeping and get a pregnancy test. I take it home and run into my bathroom. The wait was awful. I look down and there's two lines.... I throw up again. I didn't even realize I was late with all this stress. I go out and he's awake he smiles at me as tears fill my eyes. "What's wrong?" "I'm pregnant..." We sit side by side in complete silence. We both know that there is a chance this may not be his baby slim but there's still that chance. He's the only one who didn't wear a condom with me and we had sex a lot in the last month and a half. I had sex with his brother twice though with a condom each time. I'm so worried about that tiny chance because if it's his brother's baby I don't think I could live with myself at all.

                                                          - 8 Months Later. . . - 

    I'm having a baby girl. He's been here for me through it all and I can give birth any day now. We told everyone it's his baby but we know it may not be and so does his brother as well as their father. It's a waiting game. He's excited for her to get here and loves feeling her kick but I'm so worried about who her father is that I can't enjoy that I'm pregnant. We have tried to keep me away from his brother completely we wanted to hide it all altogether. We both graduated from school. My parents know I'm pregnant and I moved out after graduation into a place with him. It's small but affordable. He works full time and I work part time until the baby is born then I will stay home with her. It's been pretty easy to be honest. I feel like it's all falling into place and at the same time it could all easily fall apart any day now.    

    A few weeks later, I'm in labor, we rush to the hospital, my head is spinning. I can't focus. I'm in pain. I'm ready to throw up. Oh, the pain is awful. I can't breathe. What if my baby isn't his? What if it's his brother's baby? 
                                                                  - 7 hours later - 

 My sweet innocent little baby girl is here. My entire world has now become about her, this little gift just for me and her father (whichever that may be) I don't know who her Dad is yet but I know no matter what it's me and her against the world. She's mine forever. She's perfect. She's my new beginning. She has dark brown hair, brown eyes, and she's so adorable. She looks like him but since it could possibly be his brother's that could happen either way. . 

                                                                   - 5 years later -

   We got lucky, she's his. I'm sure you guessed that would happen didn't you? Our beautiful perfect little girl who looks exactly like her Daddy. I was able to fix things with his brother and we are best friends again. He got the help he needed and we both were there for him the whole time. He's very much involved in our "kids" lives. Yes, we went on to get pregnant with twins... boys! They are now 2 years old. I was so excited and scared at the same time but they are my bouncy wild boys with big hearts. Nothing could change my perfect life at least not in this moment.